Who Says I Can't?

I saw a motivational quote on Facebook that said something like, “never tell yourself that you CAN'T because you CAN do anything that you put your mind to”. I started thinking what a crock of shit that is! There are so many things that I can't do!!

I Can't grow a penis like I wanted to when I was a little kid (yes, I really did wish this!)

I Can't make a million dollars appear in front of my face at this very second (I tried!).

I Can't make gas prices go down so that people could actually afford to go to work.

I Can't become a beautiful sleek super model.

I Can't kidnap Phil Anselmo and keep him in my closet.

I Can't make someone call me and offer me a job.

I Can't magically lose 50 pounds overnight by taking a magic pill.

I Can't buy a unicorn that poops pretty cupcakes.

I Can't make one of my blog posts go viral.

I Can't pick winning lottery numbers off of the top of my head.

I Can't save every abused animal in the world and bring them to my house to live.

I Can't call Obama and tell him how much I hate him.

I Can't rid the world of stupid people... or annoying people... or the majority of the human race.

I Can't stop thinking of things that I can't do!

What about you? What would you like to do that you CAN'T do??

Still internetless, and will most likely stay that way until I land a job, if that ever happens. Next week, hubby goes back to 8 hour days and no overtime, so his checks are going to be even smaller. I've been applying everywhere that I can think of... I just need a fucking j-o-b!!

So, I'm kind of getting used to life with no internet and no cable TV. I can do most things online from my phone but there are a few things I can't do. I sometimes go to the library to email out resumes and apply to various places. I downloaded the Blogger app on my phone and at first it worked fine but now, not so much. I attempted to post the same post on my work at home blog like 5 times, and every time I tried, the app would freeze after I had it all typed up and ready to go.. it wouldn't even let me save it. I tried posting on this blog a few days ago.. at first it said it published it, then when I tried to look at it, it said that the post was saved as a draft and then SURPRISE! The app failed again and I had to force it closed. Ugh, so frustrating Blogger!!! I've started typing up posts and then posting them from my mom's computer on the weekends. For some reason, my laptop won't connect to her router.. ugh, it's such a pain!

Kids and I have been watching lots of DVDs. The kids spend a lot of time at the library picking out new movies to watch but sometimes I do just get straight bored and I feel like I'm out of the 'know' without the TV. I've been reading a lot. I used to read when I was younger but stopped years ago and now I've found a new love for it. Right now, I'm reading Stephen King's “Full Dark, No Stars” and I have a difficult time putting it down! I love Stephen King! I love horror, so it all works.

This summer has just completely sucked ass. We have no friends close to hang out with this year. Last year, we did all sorts of things with some new found friends, but the husband turned into a real asshat and we are not “allowed” over there. We have no money to do anything FUN. I'm going fucking crazy because I can't get a job and my husband is blaming me for all of our money problems because I don't have a job! Kids are driving me nuts because it's too hot to play outside (what the Hell is this almost 100 degree weather every damned day?) so they are at home fighting as soon as they wake up in the morning. Some days, I just feel like I'm going to completely lose it. Who wouldn't? I feel like my life is pretty much worthless right now and I'm just here wasting away. I want better than this but I need a job to work on making a better life than this for myself and our kids. Someone give me a job!!!!! I'd be happy working at flippin' Walmart for now; anything is better than nothing!

The whole shitty situation has given me time to work on my book though. I try to write as much as I can each day. Reading all of these new books has also kind of sparked something inside of me. I want to write novels or short stories, horror stories, blood, guts, sex, and gore! I want to get this first one out of the way and then let my imagination flow. I've got a lot of fucked up shit in my head, it may prove to be profitable for me one day!!

RANDOM PHOTOS

That's all folks.

Some people claim that they don't dream. I don't believe that someone can't dream. I believe that everyone dreams in one way or another during sleep. Some times they might remember them, other time they won't but that doesn't mean that dreams don't happen. I, myself, am a big daydreamer. I'm not as bad as I used to be because, well, I just don't have time to sit and daydream that much any more but I used to be the kid in school that would be off in wonderland daydreaming when the teacher would call on me to answer her question and I wouldn't even know what the question was... yep, I was that weirdo kid. I love to sleep and I love to dream. Since I went on my depression medication a few years ago, my dreams have gotten way crazy.. things that I don't think I could even consciously think up and they are always intensified when I drink alcohol. I can almost always plan on having a bat shit crazy dream if I'm drinking, even if I skip my meds for that day! I dream about a lot of different things! I dream about doing fun things, I dream about my obsession: Phil Anselmo, I dream about being chased by ax murderers, I dream about being back in high school and not being able to find my class room or being at school in my pjs, or all of my teeth calling out, I dream about old friends that I haven't seen in years. Sometimes though, my dreams are just wayyy far out there fucking jump out of bed crazy! I decided that when I have one of my insane dreams, I'm going to start writing them down right away in a notebook next to my bed and post them here. I gotta come up with a crazy name for this to do on a regular basis but I have plenty of time for that.

A few weeks ago, I woke up at around 2:30am, sat up in bed thinking WHAT THE FUCK just happened?? My husband doesn't sleep in bed with me anymore (but if you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know why) so I just sat up on the edge of the bed for a few minutes with my eyes wide open. I went to the bathroom to go pee, my best thinking spot, and decided that I needed to write it all down! Sorry if some of it doesn't make sense but most of you know that you usually only remember bits and pieces of dreams....

I went back to college, the same one that I graduated from last year. It was all different though and I didn't know anyone there. They were doing some sort of initiation type thing, kind of like what fraternitys do but the whole entire school had to do it; it was a rule! For the initiation, we all had to get completely naked and stand out in the parking lot together.

Next thing I know, it's graduation day, and when they called each name, you had to stand on this really tall pedestal like thingy. There were lots of people there and there were also wild animals running around, like tigers, foxes...etc. and they were finding other dead animals to feed on.

Then all of the sudden, I was in the car with my mom, all 3 of my kids and a wild wolf that my mom decided to take home as a pet until it started attacking me, and then we threw it out of the car.

After that, we were back at the school graduation. My grandmother who passed away almost 2 years ago was there and she handed me something, I can't exactly remember what it was but I think it was a casserole??????? (my grandma always seems to show up in my dreams on a regular basis, is she trying to tell me something??)

All of the sudden, the wild animals began attacking me and this woman whispered in my ear, “they can smell the DEAD on you!”...

Then, all of the sudden, these great big tall doors opened and a little girl said excitedly, “today's the day!.... the apocalypse is coming!”.

And that was that.

I'm definitely not a religious person but if I was then that dream really would have scared the shit out of me!!!

I have another one to post but I will save that for another time! Feel free to share any of your crazy dreams!! I wish I knew a dream interpreter to tell me what some of these things mean!