Happy freaking Birthday.

Today is my birthday. Yep. Another year gone by, another year closer to death. I'm to the point now where I loathe birthdays because it just makes me older. Soooo, this is how my birthday went today: The kids had today off for Easter break, so they were home. I asked them to help clean up allll the crap alll over the floor from Easter plus all of their crayons and everything else that always seem to be all over the floor. Of course, that was a big fight because they never want to lift a finger to pick anything up (but my husband doesn't either), not even their own shit. I told them that whatever wasn't picked up, was going in the trash when I swept. A whooooollle bunch of their shit went in the trash and I was beyond pissed! I used to feel "bad" about throwing their stuff away and would usually pick their stuff up before it went in the trash, but not anymore. I'm truly sick and tired of being everyone's damned maid. I don't get paid for this shit!... So yeah, not one of my kids told me happy birthday (they all knew that today was my birthday). My husband TEXTED me happy birthday .. and then proceeded to tell me that he forgot until he noticed the date on his phone while he was on break. So yeah, that was it. I spent the day cleaning up everyone else's shit and being everyone's damned maid. I got no gifts, no cake, no cards, not even a "happy birthday" from my own family... oh wait, I forgot about the TEXT. With everything else going on right now, can you imagine how much this hurts me? OH and to make matters worse, my mom offered to keep all 3 kids Friday night so that he and I could have some alone time and do something fun. I told him about it a week ago but he never said much about it. Deep deep down, I was hoping that he had something fun planned or something.. ANYTHING. I even got all ready for him to come home from work, even put on make up and everything. He came home, slouched on the couch and just sat there, "what do you want for supper?"... and that was THAT. He had nothing planned, no plans of even spending any time with me or trying to do ANYTHING special for me... at all. I think I've finally reached the end of my rope and it's time for me to jump.......

Soo yeah, the brand new year in my life is turning out to be just fucking swell! At least my friends love me and I had about 50 happy birthday wishes on my facebook. I'm throwing myself a birthday party on Saturday.. only a few people are coming but I hope I at least get to enjoy some time with friends. I need some laughter in my life. I seriously feel like I'm going to just snap and have a nervous breakdown some days. I don't know how much more I can endure or how to get out of this fucking mess.

Mmkkayy, so yeah, Easter was yesterday. Yippee. I usually love Easter but just wasn't into it this year. (Gee, I wonder why). Neither one of our families do much for Easter. No big dinner, no get togethers, just get the kids some baskets and that's it. Normally, I love hiding the easter eggs and everything but this year was just blah. My whole life is just blah.

I'm in a rut. I feel broken and don't know where to turn or how to get out of this. A few weeks ago, my husband won some money on a scratch off ticket. .... but what did he spend the money on?? A tattoo for him and an entertainment center.. instead of getting my car fixed.... but yet, it was such a big thing for me to get a job and help with bills!.. Can't get a job without a car. Had to miss another job interview today because I had no way to get there, and even if I could get to the interview and land the job, I would have no way to get there! Can you tell I am just really hating my life right now?? I need something good to happen to me and soon.