Slow and Easy

My week has been slow, but this weekend is going to be super busy. I spent most of the week catching up on cleaning that I missed while I was sick last week. I hate having to catch up after being sick. I'm feeling better now, have been working out 5 days a week, and so far, so good because I've lost 30 lbs! Rock!!

Tonight we had to go to the high school basketball game. All of the boys in my oldest son's class have been penpals with members of the varsity basketball team. Aww, I think it's so cute that this big 12th grade basketball player writers letters to my little 8 year old! I'm sure they probably get some kind of English credit for doing it or something, but still! All the boys got to meet their penpals and sit behind the b-ball players. It was cute how the big guys would pose with the little guys! My son loved it. They get to eat lunch with them next month.

That reminds me, I don't really like to put my kids' names in my blogs. I don't even know why.. guess I'm just not comfortable with it, so I've decided to just refer to them as something simple when I talk about them in my blog. I've given this a lot of thought and finally came up with this ahh-mazing nicknames! R u ready?

Boy #1: My 8 yr old son.
Boy #2: My 7 yr old son
The Girl: My 7 yr old daughter (yes, they are twins).

Wow that was a  lot of thought there and I'm so glad I figured it all out! Phew!

Got our income tax return today. This year sucked ass because last year my husband was on worker's comp. for 11 of the 12 months. Worker's comp was not taxed and is not claimed on taxes. Soo, our return was less than half of what it is normally. It does suck, but it's still enough that we can get caught up on some bills and (maybe) do a little shopping tomorrow! weeeee! I love shopping, we just never have the money to do it.I wish I could be one of those people who could afford to go shopping every week and buy something for themself whenever they want. Gawd, I need a job. I've got a few freelance jobs to do, but the pay still won't even be close to what I would make at a job outside of the home. My car is still not fixed so even if I got a job offer, I'd have no way to get there. Hopefully we can get it fixed this coming week.

Then Sunday the boys have another wrestling tournament but this time it's in my hometown, so hopefully I will know some people there and it won't be so dull.

Daily Dose

Pour Your Heart Out: The Real Me

Not many people know the real me. Come on, admit it, we all put on a different face when we are out interacting with others compared to when we are at home. I have "friends", people that I can chit chat and laugh with. I have one really good friend who knows a lot more about me than the others and I have one friend whom I was best friends with for 20 years.. she knew a lot about me, but not everything. I'm very close with my mom, but she doesn't know everything about me. My husband, he knows pretty much all there is to know. He knows the REAL me.

When I'm out in public, I'm typically pretty quiet and shy. I kind of sit back and watch everyone else. I listen to their conversations and just take it all in. I used to be painfully shy.. I mean, painfully! I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they talked to me first. I had such low self esteem, I felt that no one would WANT to talk to me because I'm fat. I've gotten better over the last 10 years, especially when I went back to college. There were many times that I made the first move and started up a conversation with a complete stranger, which was soo out of my comfort zone, but guess what? No one said, "eww, don't talk to me fat girl!" and it felt good doing something out of my comfort zone and succeeding!

I do have my days where I'm in a really bad mood. Watch out on those days though! Those days, I may not be able to keep my trap shut if someone does or says something that I don't agree with. I'm usually quiet and polite unless someone has pissed me off.

I've suffered from severe depression for years since I was a teenager, but just finally got help for it a few years ago. This medication has saved my life. Before I got on meds, I was an absolute mess. I cried all the time at home; I cried when I was sad or mad. I was super sensitive and took everything the wrong way or I concocted these insane scenarios in my head, such as if my husband was late getting home from work, I just knew he was screwing his coworker. This caused a lot of problems in our marriage. I was always angry and took it out on my husband.

I've changed a lot since getting on my medication. I do have some bad days where I'm either super sensitive and cry at every little thing (usually around that time of the month) or some days I wake up in a pissed off mood and feel like there is smoke coming out of my head. I hate those days, absolutely hate them.

People make comments about me being so quiet and shy. I sometimes worry that people think I'm a flake or a snob when it's just my shyness. I can be a bitch at times. I can be moody. I yell and become impatient with my kids at times. I'm a bitch to my husband sometimes. I cry over stupid shit sometimes.

It takes awhile for anyone to get to know the REAL me. The real me has a huge heart. I cry when I see an old couple holding hands or animal being hurt. When I let someone into my life, I expect them to stay there! When it comes to friendships, I usually try to make some sort of attempt to keep the friendship alive, whether it be to suggest a night out or just chit chatting. I get hurt when people don't do the same for me or they don't hold my friendship as high as I hold theirs.

I don't even have a "best friend" right now. People always seem to disappoint me in the end. Even people that I've known for most of my life do things that surprise me. Some days, I feel like I don't want to make new friends and I'm better off just taking care of my own where it's safe. I don't know if I want anyone else to know the REAL me. Do they deserve it?

Sunday Snaps 2/19

It's a Windy Life.

Another crappy week. I spent the majority of it sick with another sinus infection. My nose has been stuffed up with chest congestion and a cough. It was just enough to slow me down again. I hate days like that. I get nothing done, I just lay around feeling like poop and feeling sorry for myself. I'm feeling a little better today and I guess tomorrow I'll have to begin catching up on everything I didn't get done. Blah. I hate this time of year.

That was the excitement of my week, lol because I am just that fucking cool. I've been trying to come up with better blog topics to write about here and on my Rants In My Pants blog that could really grab reader's attention. Lately, I've been reading stories about how there have been some blogs who were small with only a few followers, and they wrote one freaking post that just took off and went viral. People were spreading it all over social networking websites. Their few followers turned into thousands of followers and every post they wrote had hundreds of comments after that. It could be just one lucky thing that catches some attention, so I'm trying to be more creative with some of my posts. I want to find that one thing that will grab everyone's attention. Share my stuff, people!!! I wanna go viral!!!

Things are much the same with my husband and I. Nothing has really changed, we still live like room mates, but I feel like I'm stuck right now. I want the old "us" back. The "us" that I loved. We are not an us any more.

Had conferences for all 3 kids a few days ago. Everything is good except with our youngest son. When he and his twin sister started 1st grade, they were at the same reading level. She has taken off with reading and is way far ahead of him. The school is a little concerned that he is not catching on very easily. For now, we are all going to work with him on his reading every day, and the reading teacher also suggested having his eyes checked. She said we can give it a few weeks and see if he improves, if not they will have to call a "meeting". What's this "meeting?". Just to discuss options or to hold him back from going onto second grade??? OMG wouldn't that be so horrible to have a twin that's a year ahead of you? Crap, this kinda has me worried a little bit. I'm hoping we can work through it though and it's nothing to be concerned about.

Still no job.. and I'm kinda helpless right now because my car is still not fixed and probably wont be for another week or two when my hubs has time to spend time working on it. I really don't want to have to pay for a mechanic, but he's never going to have time to work on it! I had a call about an interview yesterday, they wanted to schedule it for early next week, but I'd have no way there! *grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*. It was for an awesome position, too, working in an ob/gyn office. Ugh, eventually something HAS to give, eventually, we can get what we deserve and life will cooperate a little bit. Having a running vehicle and good job, even if it's just part time would help sooo much. Eventually all of my hard work has to pay off one day, right??

Life blows some days.

Weekly Dose

Always Expect The Unexpected... with Everyone.

There's this woman who is a friend of my mom's We shall call her Sherri (of course it's a fake name). My mom knew Sherri before I was born. Sherri was a little older than my mom, but they remained good friends. I have photos of her holding me when I was a baby and a story of me pooping on her leg! She babysat me after school until my mom got home from work. I spent a lot of time with her. She came to the hospital when my children were born, she was at my wedding.. she's just always been a family friend that always seemed to be around and was considered to be our family.

Sherri used to be a preschool teacher before she retired, so my kids just love her and she knew exactly what to do to keep the kids occupied and interested in things! She buys them Christmas and Birthday gifts every year and always sends a card to each one in the mail to make them feel special.

Since we moved to our new house, my mom has gotten into the habit of keeping one of our kids over night on Friday nights. She alternates a kid each week, so that they all get their own Grammy time. She started inviting Sherri over once in awhile on Fridays so that she could see the kids, too since we moved out of town. This turned into another habit. Every Friday my mom keeps one kid and Sherri comes over and has dinner, plays games...etc..

A few weeks ago, as Sherri was leaving, she fell. It all happened very oddly. My mom said she was watching out the door and all of the sudden she couldn't see Sherri. She walked outside and Sherri was laying in front of some bushes. My mom asked her if she was ok as she was walking out and Sherri just got right up, said, "Yeah, I twisted my ankle, I'm ok" and got in her car and left. My mom didn't know what to think, she didn't know if Sherri was mad at her or why she acted so weird and left so quickly, maybe she was embarrassed?

She decided to call her the next day just to check in on her. Sherri said that she had problems in the past with seeing the steps at my mom's house at night time, and she thought it was because of her bifocals... and she was going down the steps turning around waving goodbye to my son instead of paying attention on the steps that she knew she had problems seeing at night to begin with. She said she twisted her ankle. She even joked around about it because she used her ankle as an excuse not to help her church that day and she would have to "remember to limp" when she went to church the following day.

Sooo everything seems to be ok and life goes on as usual. Last Friday, Sherri came over as always to have dinner and spend some time with my mom and one of my little angels (ha!).  Sherri then tells my mom that she went to her doctor on Monday and found out her ankle is fractured. She had one of those boot thingies on. She said she wanted my mom's landlord to pay the remaining bill that her insurance doesn't cover. My mom is of course very upset by this so she begins texting her landlord. (BTW, her landlord is super cool.. was a work friend of her's husband). The landlord finally calls on the phone and Sherri talks to him telling him what happened and what she expected of him. She told him that she would let him make payments if he needed to! The landlord was not happy at all and was kind of pissed that he had only just heard about it a week after it happened.. until my mom talked to him in private and told him everything.

My mom is the type of person that doesn't like to step on toes or assert her opinion. She doesn't like drama or any kind of problems. She said that for the entire evening, all Sherri did was talk about her ankle, and how uncomfortable her boot is, and how inconvenient it is for her. It was to the point where my mom wanted to ASK her to leave.

My mom told me about it and I was in shock. Never expecting Sherri to do something like that. First of all, it was her OWN fault because she KNEW she had a problem with those steps every time she came over but she was turning around trying to wave at my son instead of paying attention! Plus, she didn't go to the doctor until Monday. You would think if it hurt that bad she would have gone to the E.R., right?

The whole thing has been bugging my mom all week. She finally decided that she didn't want to make her landlord pay and that would try to guilt Sherri out of the whole thing. Sherri showed up as usual tonight (Friday) and my mom told her that she didn't feel right asking her landlord to pay for that. Sherri's response was, "you are not asking him, I am!"... and my mom told her that SHE would just make payments instead of the landlord. Sherri's response was, "ok!".

I was dumbfounded when she told me that and really quite pissed off!!!!! My mom invites Sherri over and sometimes they go out to dinner, or sometimes when the kids are over they will order pizza. Every time Sherri goes out anywhere with us (sometimes it is with ALL of us), my mom pays for it. She says that she feels that whoever invites the other one should pay (wow is that soo old fashioned!). Sherri never offers to pay or to even get the damned tip. She's been coming to my mom's every Friday now for the past 2-3 months and having dinner.. that my mom paid for whether it be home made or ordered out. Sherri did start bringing a dessert some times, but last week she brought a bag of pretzels because it was just too hard to get around to make something with her ankle and all. Ha!!

My mom's to the point now where she doesn't even want to talk to her. Sherri has always been a good person. She is very involved in church, she is retired but she earns money by cleaning elderly people's houses. So why would she do something like this?? I've told my mom for awhile now that Sherri was taking advantage of her because my mom was always paying for everything. Sherri knows that my mom doesn't have a lot of money and after everything and all these years, she would do something like this?? I mean, some landlords are REAL assholes and could get pissed enough that they would raise her rent or even try to find a reason to kick my mom out. Ya never know, right? Apparently, one of the elderly people that Sherri works for, told her to go see a specialist (for a flippin fracture??). Is she freakin serious??

I'm just kinda sad about the whole thing. Sad that someone so close to us like Sherri would do something like that to my mom. My mom doesn't hurt a fly. I heart her. I heart Sherri, too but neither one of us know what to do about the situation. No matter how well you think you know someone, you never know what to expect.